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Backstage, pay-per-view, big lights, big time. Our very own super-n00b announcer, who really isn't much of a super-n00b anymore, Squiggy Jackson is standing by outside of Roderick McRatrick's locker room (which is really just a janitorial closet with a looseleaf paper with the word "Rodney" written on it taped on it), knocking on the door.

SJ: Hey, Roderick, you in there?

RMR: (from inside) One second...

A lot of tumbling and rustling goes on before the door swings open with Roderick barrelling out, arms full of 8 x 10" glossy photographs of Tom Cruise.

SJ: What is that you have in your arms?

RMR: What? Why are you always so inquisitive? I swear, every time I run into you, you're always asking me questions.

SJ: Well, that is my job.

RMR: Oh, well, it's part of my job to have all these babies in my grasp.

SJ: How though? You're a wrestler?

RMR: Umm, yeah, but I'm also an autograph... fancier...

SJ: Really? Although that's more of a hobby than a job...

RMR: Yeah... yeah, it's my hobby, right, whatever you say.

SJ: Well let me see the pictures of your target...

Squiggy grabs a photo and looks at it.

SJ: Tom Cruise?

RMR: Yeah. Heard of him?

Squiggy looks at Roderick incredulously

SJ: Yes, I have, but what I want to know is, how are you going to get Cruise's autograph? I mean, I don't think he's a wrestling fan.

RMR: Well, that's not important. The important thing is, his brother is a wrestler! And after I kick him in the balls and make him squeal, I'll threaten to kick him in the balls again unless he can get me autographs...

SJ: Brother? (thinks a second)... Wait, you think Cameron Cruise is Tom Cruise's brother?

RMR: No, I don't think. I know! I mean, look at the guy. He looks like he just stepped out of 1984 with that get up. He looks just like Tom Cruise did in Wall Street.

SJ: Tom Cruise wasn't in Wall Street.

RMR: Wait, what was he in?

SJ: Top Gun, Risky Business, A Few Good Men...

RMR: Alright, he looks like Cruise in A Few Good Risky Men Guns... damn, that sounds like a gay porn film title. I wonder if... ewww, maybe his autograph wouldn't be worth that much...

Squiggy smacks his own head

RMR: Oh alright, I suppose you have a point. Even if his autograph isn't worth that much, I could certainly get value out of sheer volume!

SJ: Sheer volume? If you're a fancier, why would you need more than one?

RMR: Sell 'em on E-Bay of course!

SJ: Oh Christ...

RMR: Hey, no swearing on TV, you dick. Anyway, I'm out... gotta get me a Sharpie. HEy, you know where I can find Jimmy Owens?

SJ: Jimmy who?

RMR: You know, Terrell's brother. He could prolly get me a Sharpie or two!

SJ: Oh brother...

Roderick runs off as Squiggy, exasperated, wipes his forehead as the camera fades.

(Fadein, Comerica park, the upperdeck level of the stands. The camera scans until it finally finds Cruise, dressed in black pants, and shirt, protected against the cold with his Black leather Jacket and Shades. Walking the open areas, Cruise opens the scene with slow clapping, and Cruise smiles as the sun begins to put a glare upon his shades.)

CRUISE: Congratulations, 'Ratrick, you found me out. I suppose I should admit it finally after years of telling people that it's only coincidence. After all, my amount of success wasn't at my own expense or but at Tom's really, fooling people into thinking that this is what I've been doing as a release from my brother's marriage to Nicole has been getting to be abit tiring.

(Cruise tips his shades downward a second to show his eyes, and shakes his head, gesturing "no", and then brings them back up)

Is that the best you could do kid? I mean, really, if I didn't know any better, fans might expect me to address you as "Boris" and proclaim that your friend Squiggy is really a transexual, formerly Natasha, and you're looking to what? End the career of....Gladiator...which I assume would be your "Bullwinkle", correct?

However, unlike you Roderick, I have better things to do than to obsess over my opponents coincidental relations to other celebrities in the Movie business.

Like training.

You see, this might not be your debut match, here in A1E, or for that matter your first Pay Per View contest in this company, but it's otherwise for me. You've had your shot at impressing the boss in your first match here in the A1E, and to tell the truth, the outcome doesn't really matter to me. What does however, is the fact that it is *MY* turn to make the impact, here in the A1E, and apparently it's against you.

(The camera temporarilyy closes up on Cruise)

That, from what I hear, is a challenge in itself.

(The camera returns to the angle it had prior to the close up)

I'm not Tom's brother.

I don't wrestle to get away from the coincidental assumptions of myself to Cruise. I wrestle because it's what I am.

It's what I do.

It's okay if you don't know me prior to CYBER BRUTALITY. I don't expect you to.

But if you seriously think you're just going to...

(Cruise chuckles for a second)

..."Cruise" through our match at 'BRUTALITY....

(Cruise takes off his shades as the camera closes up a final time.)

Then you're in for a Reality Check, that you just....won't like.

(Fade)

Roderick is in his janitor's closet locker room, stacking glossies of Tom Cruise. The door opens and in walks Squiggy Jackson. Roderick perks his head up, but quickly, he sags down.

RMR: Oh, it's just you.

SJ: What, you were expecting Elvis?

RMR: No, I was expecting that sultry Russian beauty Natasha. Rrrawr.

SJ: What in the world are you talking about?

RMR: Yeah. Tom Cruise's brother said that Natasha would be stopping by.

SJ: No, see, that's what I came to talk about. I thought you'd still be mixed up. See, for one, he called me Natasha, a transsexual.

RMR: Wait, you're a tranny? Damn, ever star in porn? Hey, ever want to star in porn?

SJ: No, no no, I'm not a tranny.

RMR: Dammit. Tranny porn is big you know,

SJ: Umm... I don't know actually... and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much. But seriously, Cameron said he's not Tom's brother.

RMR: Oh, he's a liar.

SJ: A liar? What? How can you tell? Do you have hard proof?

RMR: No.

SJ: Witnesses?

RMR: Nope. Can't say I do.

SJ: Articles in the Weekly World News? Hearsay? Anything?

RMR: Nope.

SJ: Then what do you have?

RMR: Oh, I can just tell a liar. I can spot one out.

SJ: (sighing) Takes one to know one, right?

RMR: ...Shut up!

SJ: Okay, okay... but he said he was going to train really hard for his match.

RMR: Training? Ha, that's supposed to impress me? Everyone trains for matches.

SJ: Except you.

RMR: That's a lie and you know it.

SJ: I've never seen you train.

RMR: Well, umm... shut up. Besides, there's no training you can do to take a kick in the testicles. Which is my plan. And after, I will make that liar take me to his brother so I can sell pictures on E-Bay!

SJ: Oh brother... you're too much.

RMR: And that's why I'm gonna make out like a filthy bandit!

SJ: I'm out...

Squiggy exits and Roderick goes back to piling his glossies

(fadein, an empty Joe Louis Arena, nights before A1E's Pay Per View, CYBER BRUTALITY. Walking down the aisle towards the ring is Cameron Cruise, dressed in black jeans, white shirt and his leather Jacket.)

CC: Wow, I knew there were some athletes in this business who were either illiterate, or just plain ignorant, but I'd never thought I'd find them in A1E, let alone in the appearance of my first opponent.

So you two *REALLY* think that I'm Tom Cruise's brother?

(golf claps)

Then taking an assumption at what your preparations would be for our match wouldn't be as big a risk as I thought now would it? I mean, you've barely just now seen me for the first time in my first promo, so apparently that's good enough for you to label me a liar.

(claps again)

Not the first time it's happened, but then again, it's not the first time either I've given my opponent a reality check by way of a Physical punishment. See, really, you *THINK* that just based on the fact that I'm coincidently related to Tom Cruise....all you've got to worry about is a low blow.

(Cruise hops up on the ring apron, walks slowly around in the ring)

You also seem to think that my apparent "accusation" of yourself and your partner was *ACTUALLY* deliberate, in relation to the Classic adversaries of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

(Scoffs)

I guess that means I can add Sarcasm to the list of personality traits not expected in a company that relishes in the Glory of exceeding high expectations towards performance.

So if expecting a low blow in our match at CYBER BRUTALITY is your plan, then here's mine up front:

Expect the unexpected.

Because if you don't...or won't...then THAT...will be a *REALITY CHECK*...that you DEFINATELY...won't like.

Fade

Roderick is still in his janitor's closet locker room, boxes of unopened glossy photos beside him. Right as he opens a box, in walks Squiggy Jackson.

SJ: You're still in here? Don't you get any ventilation?

RMR: Ventilation is for wimps. I'm hardcore.

SJ: Oh brother...

RMR: Speaking of brothers, how's old Cam?

SJ: Well, he still wants to kick your ass.

RMR: Why? What did I ever do to him, aside from pee in his lemonade.

SJ: You peed in his lemonade?

RMR: No, what would give you that idea?

SJ: Oh Christ, you just... ah, forget it. If you didn't remember, you do have a match against him.

RMR: Oooh yeah, match, gotcha. Man, I keep forgetting I have to kick him in the balls first before I make him take me to his brother.

SJ: Yeah, well, the thing is, I don't think he knows you're going to kick him there.

RMR: Good! That way, he won't know it's coming!

SJ: Even though you've been saying it all week. You know, he has the crazy thought that you think the only offense he has is kicking you in the balls.

RMR: That's preposterous! Everyone knows I wear protection down there. Wanna feel it?

SJ: NO! Jesus, why would you...

RMR: Come on, it's nice and hard...

SJ: STOP IT!

RMR: Oh fine, I'll do it myself...

Squiggy is just about to leave before hearing a clinking noise. He turns around to see Roderick knocking on his groin

RMR: (knocking) See? Pure titanium jockstrap.

SJ: Jesus Christ, you're one strange bird.

RMR: I'm not a bird, I'm a man. But some day, I'll be a bird and eat some birdseed or something... I'll show you!

SJ: Ooookay... anyway, so you're prepared if Cameron would come and kick you in the balls.

RMR: Yeah, although I don't expect him to get any offense in whatsoever... ya know, since after I kick him in the balls, he won't be able to do anything. And then, he'll take me to his brother, and...

Roderick McRatrick holds up a picture

RMR: Instant money!

SJ: Hey, wait a minute... (grabs photo) That's not Tom Cruise! It's Steve Guttenberg!

RMR: HEY! Hands off my picture! Get out! Scoot!

SJ: Fine...

Squiggy exits as Roderick continues to go through his photos.

(Fadein, a Dark-sketched A1E Promo Backdrop.)

Voice: Wow, Roderick, you've really got me down to a 'T'.

(Cruise slowly paces onto screen, hesitating between comments to properly select what he wants to say. He's dressed in black jeans, a white t-shirt, with the Pay per view CYBER BRUTALITY advertised on the front, and his Anarchy-styled shades.)

CC: So, basically what we've got is a couple of guy's that, more or less styled after the kids the two boyfriends of Laverne and Shirley would of had, who can't get out of their head the relation I have of Tom Cruise, Steve Guttenberg, Steve Martin, French Stewart or whomever else they think I look like on their minds.

(Cruise brushes hair out of his face a second.)

Or at least that's what they think.

Ya see here, Roderick, I could give a rat's left...well, you know what, about what you *THINK*, I might do or what you *THINK* you might do to me at Cyber Brutality.

I really can.

Because, now that I think about it, it's quite simple.

You can say all you want how you're going to kick me in the nuts or urinate in someone's refreshment, or whatever idiotic thing you have in that brain of your's because frankly, ACTIONS speak louder than words.

Not vice versa.

But then again, you do whatcha want, because I know exactly what I'm going to do and that's to induce the simple truth that when it's all over....

Nothing but lights for you, and just the walk back up the aisle for me. The only difference is that inevitability factor of MY hand that's raised, and you being recognized as the one not getting the job done.

Think about it Roderick.

Because when it's all over, it's a reality check that you...(takes off shades, for a last close-up)...won't like.

(fade)